l u c y inthe s k y.

1. An ice cream shop is naming a new flavour after you. What is it and why?

- Mint Mocha, because I’m like rich coffee beans with a sort of zesty sweetness if you leave me on your tongue long enough.

2. Aliens have landed on Earth, and they want you to explain love.

- Love’s a fruit salad of passion leaves, diced rainbows, rose thorns, baked butterflies wings, sliced kisses and stomach knots dressed in a cold, zesty, sticky obsession. With a sprinkle of electric tingles on top.

3. A mad scientist is turning you into a plant. Which one would you be and why?

- A venus fly trap so that I don’t get bored.

4. You’ve discovered the secret to travelling back in time, but someone in the past has to trade places with you. Who do you want living your life for you while you’re gone?

- Luisa Hanae Matsushita (Lovefoxxx). I’d also want to do her. Is that bad?

5. You have the power to erase ten minutes of time.When would you use it and why?

- The ten minutes within which I had a wheat grass shot and instantly regretted it. 

6. You’ve discovered you have a new superpower! What is it? How would you use it?

- I’d have the power to change anyone’s hair colour/style any time and as many times as I wish. Obviously this is self-explanatory. It would cut out a lot of preparation time in the mornings, which means I’d have time for breakfast and coffee. It also means I’d be able to give Obama blonde Swedish plaits.

7. You’ve been asked to describe your favourite colour to someone who has been blind since birth. What do you tell them?

- Blue is like bubblegum, rain, soda, sherbert and tears. It’s like fresh air when you’re drowning. I guess. It’s like… laughter/sadness all confused and combined into one cupcake. With sprinkles on top.

8. You’ve been given a million dollars, but you can’t keep any of it, you can’t buy anything for yourself with it and you can’t give it to your friends or family. What do you do with it?

- I’d give half to Sea Shepherd, a quarter to WSPCA and a quarter to the charity that frees enslaved grizzly bears from being forced to dance for money and other various circumstances of a depressing and inhumane nature.

9. You have the opportunity to visit yourself as a child, but you can only tell yourself one fact about your life or one piece of advice. What would it be?

- Don’t waste my time.

10. You wake up naked in a hardware store. What do you use for clothes? And how do you explain your predicament?

- I was kidnapped by the macho Bunnings guy, he stole my clothes because he’s a drag queen and he just loves my wardrobe. He’s been stalking me for months, planning the whole thing. I’m now reduced to a rather uncomfortable dress that I’ve fashioned out of nails and screws. He’ll probably come back for that too.

11. You realize you’re dreaming and can control what’s happening. What do you do?

- I point my finger at the sky and it starts hailing snifters and the ocean has become a utopia of all the iced caramel macchiato you can possibly consume. I am floating on my back, ravenously gnawing on my fingers which have turned into gummi worms. Everytime I eat a finger, a new one grows back. Obama has turned into a giant mushroom, and the whole of America is now tripping. The rest of the world has built a sky high wall around the perimeter of America, where we routinely throw mock meat over the side, like “that’s all you’re getting!”

12. You discover a secret room in your house. What’s in it?

- It’s not so much a room as it’s just the inside of a giant amethyst geode cave.

13. If you could have dinner with three fictional characters from different sources, who would they be and why?

- Sailor Mars, because she’s hot. Juno, because we’d get along like a flaming teahouse. And Sayuri, because she can serve us tea while we all burn to death.

14. You’ve been asked to describe your favourite song to someone who has been deaf since birth. What do you tell them?

- I have too many favourite songs to describe this. But they’d all taste like that fruit salad I mentioned earlier.

15. You pass a tree that has money hanging from it. What do you do?

- Buy a Mango pearl tea.